Being from Texas: the first yellow flag against them. There seems to be a built in arrogance emanating from a lot of Texans I meet. Yeah, I know, biggest state, big egos, blah, blah, blah…

I thought I had let go of that personal bias until George Bush, eviscerated the Constitution, tortured people, and brought this country to the brinks of endless war and financial ruin.

Sorry, am I getting political? (Write my editor and complain).

The second yellow flag hits the Cowboys’ turf because they still bitch and moan about losing to the Steelers in Super Bowls XIII AND XIV. You know what, Pittsburgh was the team of the 70’s. We beat you twice. Shut the hell up.

Third yellow flag rains down because Jerry Jones and too many Cowboy players work too damn hard to earn the name “CryBoys.”

I hope Jones continues his arrogant meddling in football matters. It almost guarantees the Cowboys will continue sucking as they have sucked for what, 12 years, now?

Sometimes I watch a replay of Super Bowl 13 just to see Staubach’s pass clang off Jackie Smith’s chest. No, not because I am cruel, but it is the play all of Texas looks at as being the turning point of the game.

Waahh!!!

Truth is, the reception would have tied the score, not given Dallas the lead. Every team in every game can point to a play or plays that turns victory into defeat. Like Ray Lewis said after the Poe Birds lost the 2008 AFC championship. “They came out and made the plays. We didn’t, simple as that.”

Did I mention the arrogance of calling Dallas “America’s Team,” Jerry Jones’ meddling, the contrived and tired Texas mystique? I did?

Perhaps hate is to weak a word.

THE OAKLAND RAIDERS

I will trash talk, in a fun way, with any fan of any team. I will never fight over any Pittsburgh team, ever. It is friggin’ sports! Have fun, have a beer, but do not forget about what is truly important in life.

The whole Raider Nation—am I mistaken or are many of them featured in those Capital One commercials—take what should be a good-natured exercise and turn it into assault and battery, or murder.

If you are dressed as Attila the Hun and you and your henchmen are gang-beating a Charger fan to death on a Sunday afternoon, you need to reflect upon the purpose of your existence. Really…

Also, until very recently, John Madden would bring up the gut-wrenching Immaculate Reception—and how he still doubted Franco’s catch—during every broadcast featuring Pittsburgh. Funny how the former Raiders’ coach never admits if Jack Tatum hadn’t acted like a bad ass and unnecessarily blasted Frenchy Fuqua, the ball game would have been over.

Then, maybe, just maybe, in the following week’s AFC Championship, the “Raidaaas” would have beaten another hate list denizen…

THE MIAMI DOLPHINS

They will always have a hallowed Hate List rank because of the bush league, annual, playground ritual of popping champagne when the NFL’s last undefeated team loses. “Nyah, Nyah, Nyah, Nyah, Nyah, we’re still the only undefeated team.”

Maybe the ‘72 Dolphins are too blitzed from the bubbly to realize how ridiculous they look—and how they diminish what in itself is a unique and great feat.

My Dad drove to my Uncle’s place in Ohio so we could watch that 1972 AFC Championship game: the hardest hitting, cleanest, most well-coached, greatest football game I’ve ever watched—and my team lost. When Shula called the fake punt that kept Miami’s game winning drive alive, I put a broomstick through my Uncle’s ceiling.

(I wasn’t drunk, honest. I simply don’t remember what I was doing with a broomstick. Everyone else in the house was drunk, so they don’t know either).

It was not until a few years ago I saw a retrospective on that game and learned Chuck Noll had instructed a player to watch for the fake. You can hear Noll yelling, “Fake!” on the sideline.

Point being, Miami made the play; Pittsburgh did not. And every time those stinkin’ Fish pop that champagne, they erode the greatness of that game and the brilliant undefeated season they capped off in the Super Bowl.

They deserve to be hated.

NEXT: The Top Two Teams I Hate Most

• January 18, 2009 -- UNBELIEVABLE! (2)
• January 16, 2009 -- NFL Playoff Picking (3)
• December 21, 2008 -- The Hate List (9)
• December 14, 2008 -- Playoff Picture Still Murky (0)
• December 3, 2008 -- A Tales of Two Cities (0)

Last week, I‘m in a sports bar the Flyers are losing a hockey game, the Steelers rallying against the Cowboys and the Yankees paying another mediocre player 80 million bucks. Mmm…Flyer, Cowboys, Yankees, I hate them all. Being a nostalgic guy, I started reviewing my personal sports hate list and it’s muti-decade evolution.

It dawned on me; I can’t be the only guy in America who maintains and regularly updates a such a list? Or can I?

Not a difficult task. Just ask yourself ‘Who do I Hate?’. There is no wrong answer, but like any legitimate endeavor—there are rules…

1.) The Hater must have a logical basis for his or her hate.

For example, you can’t hate the Denver Bronco’s just for wearing hideous uniforms but you can hate them if you once lived there and endured the very overrated “Orange Crush” defense.—they didn’t appreciate me calling them the Orange Slush—and because their hideous uniforms remind you of Mr. Ed on steroids.

2.) The Hater must prove undying loyalty and love for one particular team or city.

For example, if a hater hails from Boston and calls himself a Patsy fan, he must defend Bellidick and the Cheaters vociferously. Patriot haters know New England’s success of the last decade will forever be tainted and their rise on the Universal Hate Barometer—located atop a rowhouse in Philadelphia, where else?—eclipses that of the “Raidas” during the ‘70’s and the Cryboys for, oh, the last 40 years. The Cowboys, in fact, are the only team never to fall on the UHB. Probably a safe bet that status will never change given the UHB’s home

3.) The Hater cannot be a Yankees or Notre Dame fan.

If you are so much of a loser to root for teams with built in advantages for winning you cannot legitimately hate those of us who root for teams that struggle for years or decades in between seasons of success.

4.) The Hater cannot love a natural or otherwise determined rival of her beloved team.

There is no fence sitting in Hateball. If you love the Clippers, you cannot have a soft spot in your heart for the Lakers. If you love the Flyers you cannot think the Penguin’s logo is cute because it reminds you of Tennessee Tuxedo.

So, who do you hate?

Next week… the beginning of my Hate List.

• November 7, 2008 -- Are NFL Payrolls Inversely Proportional to On-Field Success? (0)
• January 12, 2009 -- Divisional Round Dish (0)
• April 29, 2009 -- The Hate List: 4/29/09 – My Top Two Most Hated Sports Teams (11)
• March 9, 2009 -- The Hate List: 3/9/09 – NFL Teams (16)
• February 14, 2009 -- The Hate List: 2/14/09 (4)

Despite these surprising stats, NFL payrolls are by no means inversely proportional to on-field success. The woeful Kansas City Chiefs have the lowest combined payroll of any NFL team; the excellent Pittsburgh Steeler squad is #6. In fact, there seems to be a relatively even distribution of salaries across the NFL success vector.

Compare those numbers to the success of Major League Baseball’s highest paid teams. Although spending a lot never guarantees having a championship-caliber team in any sport–the ultra-expensive New York Yankees didn’t make the playoffs while the dirt-cheap Tampa Bay Rays won the American League pennant–overall the higher-salaried baseball teams tend to have better won-loss records than their lower-paying counterparts (five of the eight highest-paid teams were in the playoffs this year). But in the NFL, no such payroll to on-field success comparison can be made.

So, what then do these numbers mean?  Only that strong management trumps high payrolls in reaching the Super Bowl every time… and that really strong management can even bring home the Lombardi Trophy on a budget.

• February 10, 2009 -- Poor Economy Doing It to Manny and the Mets (1)
• December 21, 2008 -- The Hate List (9)
• January 2, 2009 -- Hello, 2009 – Bye Bye Best Of 2008 (0)
• November 14, 2008 -- Cassel Comes of Age (0)
• April 29, 2009 -- The Hate List: 4/29/09 – My Top Two Most Hated Sports Teams (11)