2012 NFL Week 2 Picks – FootballSunday, September 16, 2012 8:45
Editor’s Notes: edited, cleaned up version to follow.
Game picks for the 2012 NFL season Week 2.
NFL Week 2
Take a gander at the photo of your humble columnist…The one above and slightly to the left. Quick, describe what you see…WHO AM I?
Well…okay…Some middle-aged hack, Italian-esque, which mean you’re innately angry at just about anything, mostly angry because you write for a website instead of finding success in your chosen mode of expression—probably screenwriting—which explains the drink in your hand. You probably think you’re the most interesting man in the world; the rest of humanity ranks you at 3,725, 404, 728th—and falling.
Sorry I asked…
After listening to a battalion of talk show host and pundits describe this guy…
…as petulant, moody, spoiled, entitled, smirky, and in need of an ass-kicking, I found myself mindlessly nodding in agreement. Jay Cutler’s performance on Thursday Night made me 0 – 2 for my Game of the Week picks and potentially turned a disastrous Week 1 of picking against the spread into a catastrophic Week 2.
Then, I stopped my mindless nodding and experienced a flash of insight, (I know, I was shocked too.)…Wait a minute, I thought…How many of us fanatics, even the former jocks or other observers, really know Jay Cutler. Could be the Jayster cries himself to sleep after every loss. Hell, it’s possible he even has more desire to win than this guy…
Mind you, I don’t care if Drew Brees is gay. He lives in New Orleans; it’s probably mandatory. I drove through the Big Easy once and had a sudden inexplicable craving for a corn dog. I tried to ignore it, but…I hope my parents will understand.
What? Beautiful wife and kids? Drew Brees is straight? My bad…
Listening to the endless commentary on Cutler being a “spoiled brat” brought to mind this guy…
Who, along with this guy…
…My friends and I affectionately call the Spoiled Har-Bitches because of their incessant haranguing of the officials. I’ve always thought of them as those jocks you loved getting on the sandlot because you could send them home crying with a called third strike or good shot to the ribs.
Then I heard John Harbaugh once invited a busload of developmentally challenged adults into practice and the whole Ravens team took a break to spend time with them…And Jim Harbaugh’s players, their families, children, and dogs say he’s the nicest guy they ever met.
Well, you know what they say, never let the facts get in the way of hate.
I mean, the false images we have of people we don’t even know indicates the almost limitless depths of human prejudice. Don’t believe me? Imagine yourself in rural Georgia…
…The late day suns flashes through the trees even as the day darkens. Behind you a rustle of leaves—then another, until you feel surrounded. Three figures appear as if spit from the trees carrying rifles, chewing tobacco, and scratching themselves. One of them looks a lot like this guy…
He spits some chaw onto your boots, unzips himself and drawls out the four most frightening words a man can hear..
“You better pray good.”
Of course, there is no way out, especially when his cohort is this guy…
￼You mean, Mike McCarthy, isn’t really a whack-job, just uniquely talented to make his eyes look like those of a creepy looking clown? Thank God we each have our unique talents…
Sometimes prejudice and bigotry find roots in religion or other lies.
No matter what the documented, factual record says to the contrary, or how many unbiased law enforcement officials exonerate this guy…
The one enduring image a stunningly sizable part of Steeler Nation has stamped on their tiny Puritan brains will always look something like this…
And not one steel-toothed father who “would like to teach Ben a lesson’ has enough honesty to admit he fantasizes all the time about being that young and that wealthy—and the things he would like to do with drunk coeds…Probably a safe bet—after some cold Iron Citys—many of those angry fathers would admit to, more than once, imagining themselves as this guy…
It is always fun to see images of the rookies who burst onto the world stage because they seldom match our preconceived notions of what they should look like. For example, the well circulated photo of this guy…
Conjures up a biography of an important Black History Professor at Harvard or the next Chris Rock named Bob Griffin, but many of us don’t know he is really this guy…
That’s right, RG III. (I bet a lot of you figured it out by asking, How many Black History professors are there at Harvard.)
The point, of course, is, professional athletes are three dimensional beings with the same dreams and hopes we all have—Happiness, people who love us, a nice house, a beautiful super-model wife, nice cars, lucrative endorsements, and discreet bitches who know what the game is. Your favorite football player isn’t any more simple minded, egocentric, misogynistic, selfish, or greedy than the average American male.
So the next time you see a picture of this guy…
Don’t automatically assume he is dumb enough to stick a gun the waistband of his sweats, swagger into a crowded New York night club, stumble on a staircase, and end up nearly shooting his balls off—
Week 2 Picks
UP TO DATE RECORD: 5 – 11
Every ounce of my thought and energy, along with my vast knowledge of NFL history and my razor sharp instinct for winning strategies, not to mention my innate talent at picking against the spread was nowhere to be found last week.
The odds of my finding any of the above suddenly nonexistent skills are about the same as your average ice cube remaining whole after eight minutes in a pizza oven.
But, as always, we trudge on, happy in our stupidity, and clinging to the hope that last week—and this Thursday—was an unexplained period of misfortune and does not reflect my true skills as a prognosticator. Besides, there is a lot of football yet to be played…
GAME OF THE WEEK 0 – 2
Jay Cutler needs someone to beat that spoiled brat smirk off his face.
LOCK OF THE WEEK 1 – 0
When I pick the Pats for the LOW they invariably pull through. I just don’t think Arizona is the patsy everyone seems to think, so I can’t pick their match up with NE as a Lock game. The only truly dominant team I saw I week one were the Chargers who out physicaled the heavier and supposedly tougher Raiders. The Bolts were sure on their tackles and Phillip Rivers looked like he is determined to protect the ball this year after a 20 pick season in ’11.
Since 1998, the Bolts have whipped Tennessee seven straight times ATS. I believe that qualifies this baby as a Lock of Ages.
CHARGERS 31 TITANS 16
Joe Flacco looked liked Ravens fans thought he should have looked two years ago and the Ravens rivaled the Chargers for the most dominating victory of the week against what was supposed to be an excellent Bengal defense. And Ed Reed and Ray Lewis had guys like me eating crow—er, Raven as they were all over Andy and the Dalton gang.
Even though I do think the Brownies will field a top ten defense this year, the Eagles struggled to win a very close game at Cleveland, they should’ve won by three TDs—and Michael Vick found another way to get hurt. The Eagles have a ton of talent and almost no team.
The Ratbirds win it outright and hurt Michael Vick even more in the process.
RAVENS 27 EAGLES 22
My first choice for this special was the Over in the Jets/Steelers contest at the confluence. Then I thought of a banged up Steeler O-line, a usually inconsistent Mark Sanchez, and a Steeler defense that better show some pride after gagging on the thin air at Mile High.
…And, I read the most eye-popping trend of the week: the Lions have visited Candlestick ten times since 1981 and the under won the day in nine of those contests. With a stingy Niners defenses and a banged up Lion running game, I think it prudent to learn from history.
49ERS 23 LIONS 16
As always, the rest of my picks are in italic below:
NFL Lines For Week 2 – 9/16 – 9/17, 2012
|Date & Time||Favorite||Line||Underdog||Total|
|9/16 1:00 ET||At NY Giants||-7||Tampa Bay||44|
|9/16 1:00 ET||At New England||-13.5||Arizona||48.5|
|9/16 1:00 ET||Minnesota||-3||At Indianapolis||45.5|
|9/16 1:00 ET||New Orleans||-2.5||At Carolina||51.5|
|9/16 1:00 ET||At Buffalo||-3||Kansas City||44.5|
|9/16 1:00 ET||At Philadelphia US||-2.5||Baltimore||46.5|
|9/16 1:00 ET||Oakland||-2||At Miami||39|
|9/16 1:00 ET||At Cincinnati||-7||Cleveland||39|
|9/16 1:00 ET||Houston||-7||At Jacksonville||41|
|9/16 4:05 ET||Dallas||-3||At Seattle||42|
|9/16 4:05 ET||Washington||-3.5||At St. Louis||44|
|9/16 4:25 ET||At Pittsburgh||-5||NY Jets||42.5|
|9/16 4:25 ET||At San Diego LW||-6.5||Tennessee||43|
|9/16 8:25 ET||At San Francisco||-7 O/U||Detroit||46|
Monday Night Football Line
|9/17 8:35 ET||At Atlanta||-3||Denver||51.5|
One Response to “2012 NFL Week 2 Picks – Football”
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.