Tiger Woods, Jesus Christ and Google
Friday, March 12, 2010 14:45
Jesus Christ, Tiger Woods and comparative celebrity Google hits.
Tiger Googles the Mind
Ever been part of a sports conversation wherein you and friends discuss the day’s events, controversies, and the people involved in or affected by them, and then share opinions as to the cosmic meaning or those events?
Usually, after about half a minute, the subject matter has been as well covered as surface conversation will allow and one of the participants blurts out something meant to be pithy, but, more often than not, amounts to just another lame attempt to exit a boring conversation gracefully.
Something like…
“John Elway? Dude, he has a better arm than God.”
“Lebron James has more game than God.”
“Ron Jeremy, fuggedaboudit, he has a bigger–”
Well, I’m sure you get the idea.
When I hear mere mortals’ body parts compared to the alleged creator of the universe, I cringe at the eternal life prospects of the speaker–then my mind plays a short film of a white-haired old man chucking a football a half mile, throwing down a 720 slamma-jamma, or reverse wheel-barrowing an angel-winged Hustler centerfold.
Sometimes, I think my imagination is disturbing.
But, I didn’t imagine some insightful golf yakker actually saying last week that, “Tiger Woods is bigger than Jesus.”
Funny thing is, he was almost correct.
I checked.
Jesus rocks the Web for 67 million Google hits–let’s call them “Googlitz”. Tiger manages only 27 million hits, placing him ahead of the Pope who pipes in at a respectable 22. Despite fifteen less years of earth time, Tiger edges out the great Michael Jordan by two million Googlitz, Elvis and Marilyn score around 15 million, and Buddha has made 14.1 million Internet surfers contemplate his existence.
Tiger also out-Googles Allah, (around 12.1 million Googlltz); St. Theresa (9.5), Ron Jeremy (8), Ghandi (7.5), and Mohammed, who only manages paltry six million Googlitz. Maybe he needs a new ad campaign to get his face into the public domain…or, maybe not.
Tiger’s closest Googlitzers are Pamela Anderson and Shakespeare at 29 million hits each, which only goes to show–breasts, like words, are powerful things.
The most surprising results from my impromptu Google trek were the relatively tiny amount of Googlitz for some of history’s evil heavy hitters.
The guy Republicans like to compare President Obama to, Adolph Hitler, scores a paltry 785,000 Googlitz, (Obama himself, little more than a million.). Stalin dictates five million Googlitz which barely eclipses Charles Manson’s 4.8 but is dwarfed by Pol-Pot’s 13.4 million.
In case, you’re wondering, I indeed did Google “God” who maxes out at 218 million Googlitz. Unofficially, that has to be the most in history. Yes, “The Devil” is a distant third at 57.2 Googlitz–probably more if you count his many other monikers.
Second? Michael Jackson at 71 million and counting.
I don’t know if I find that more frightening than George W. Bush bumbling his way to fourth place with 44.2 million Googlitz.
Then again, W. always thought he had more supporters than God.
One Response to “Tiger Woods, Jesus Christ and Google”
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Nate Barlow
says:
March 15th, 2010 at 10:00 pm
In honor of March Madness, I propose a Googlitz bracket! Pick a selection of random celebrity names, square them off, and see who comes out on top. Of course, that eliminates anyone in this article, but, oh, well.
Interesting piece!