Tiger And His Tail
Wednesday, December 9, 2009 19:28
The most shocking development stemming from the recent troubles of one Eldrick Woods Jr. is anybody–namely the, smug pundits and pundettes hawking their psychological snake oil on national television, and especially Tiger’s wife, Elin Nordegren–finding Mr. Woods behavior the least bit shocking.
A woman who believes she can marry perhaps the richest, most famous, and sought after male “celebrathlete” in the world and not someday have to confront his marital infidelity makes as much sense as a man who marries the Playmate of the Year believing other wealthier, famous, or more powerful men with greater status will not notice, target, and pursue his woman–and break that man’s legs to bed her.
Yes, we are all human beings possessing the wonderful gifts of reason and free will, but we are also a species subject to biological drives we cannot deny.
For our female friends, their drive can be stated as the following general proposition:
The hottest, most desirable females are attracted to wealthy, successful men of status and power…
Harvey, Lenny, Chuck, relax; your “old lady” ain’t going anywhere. First of all, you probably don’t have the success, status, or wealth to attract the smokin’ women–and the ol’ ball and chain might be past or never experienced a time when the big shot stud who drove the Porsche and slept in a castle thought she was the shit.
Am I being too blunt? Sorry.
The driving male urge can be stated in the following general proposition:
Men are only as faithful as their options…
The bus mechanic married to the hot diner waitress in Toledo is probably yammering about how Tiger has let his own wife and children down–and countless children across America.
Our mechanic, along with the average Hanks and Bills of the world will pat themselves on their backs because they “would never cheat on their wives,” you know, because they have to be role models.
Guys, please, you might want to pull out the bullshit shovel gathering dust in your toolbox.
(By the way, you dads out there, if you depend on someone who you do not know and have likely seen only playing a game on TV to be a role model to your children, you are a pathetic, and probably ineffective, parent.)
Face it, men, every hot supermodel/movie star/cover girl/diva/Rockette/cocktail waitress/soccer mom/ballerina/hostess and neighborhood cougar MILF does not come on to us every waking moment of the day.
Most do for Tiger, Derek Jeter, Leonardo Decaprio, and T. Boone Pickens–and he’s older than air.
As for you ordinary Petes, Joes, Franks, I’m bettin’ you guys don’t travel to every conceivable corner of the world where flight attendants, porn stars, and working nuns offer to visit your hotel room. I’m fairly sure none of us Everyday Guys stay at resorts where twins sneak naked into our beds before we even check in.
Well, I mean, none of you guys.
The irony is delicious. If all the above did happen to ordinary men like it does for Tiger, Michael Jordan, or Bill Clinton, average Dicks would exert considerable effort to deny it was happening.
Yet, those males with less than elite status spend infinite fantasy hours imagining, wishing, that exact scenario would play out every day.
That’s what I’m told anyway.
Another cruel irony–most common men would have a coronary if the wet pipe dream of constant sex with the world’s hottest women ever exploded into reality. However, most guys I know would make the sacrifice for the good of humanity.
I know I would.
The reality is, most average Johns are happy with a little flirtatiousness from a waitress or sweet bedroom eyes from a receptionist.
We really couldn’t take much more than that.
Even if we could, we sure as hell don’t have 55 million bucks to entice our wives to stay married after she finds out we’ve indulged our inner man-whore.
I’m pretty sure I’m at least several million short of that threshold.
The reason why elite, wealthy, noted men like Tiger Woods create foundations or trusts to help charities (usually benefiting children) is surely because, well, they can afford to.
Maybe another facet of what’s going on is that these most desirable men in the world–with huge appetites, egos, and wallets–subconsciously recognize their proportionately sized failings and want to do as much good as they can to make up for them.
They try to, anyway.
Tiger Woods, and the guys at the top of a mountain many people never try to climb, don’t owe parents or their children a damn thing more.
Nate Barlow
says:
December 10th, 2009 at 2:43 am
What have we said previously on Deep Into Sports? Athletes are not heroes (unless they've done something else to warrant hero status, such as serve their country). A corollary of that statement: athletes are not role models!
That anybody is surprised scream of naivete or disingenuousness.
Suzanne O
says:
December 10th, 2009 at 4:15 am
I think what folks are railing so much against is the carefully crafted image of the family man that's been shown to be full of shit. I don't think anyone's crafting Derek Jeter out to be a "good guy." Mostly, it's a reaction to the hypocrisy created by the image-makers. Why folks believe the image-makers in the first place is another discussion, I suppose.
But by the over-sized attention to this story, I'm beginning to think this is all an orchestrated distraction from the real news going on. I mean, plenty of folks would have known about Tiger's affairs. Info held until the "right" time, I'm starting to think.
However, to your main point … everyone would do it if they had the chance … I don't agree. There are people for whom random sex is not a driving interest, especially when it's always and constantly an option. Some people are simply not wired like that. It gets old, loses its excitement if it's always there. They've got other stuff to do. Not saying they're common, just that they're out there.
Gairzo
says:
December 10th, 2009 at 5:48 am
I don't think I said everyone would do it if they had a chance.
In my experience, most women would not. Most men never get the chance. That was the point.
All the yakkin' about Tiger being a fraud and how he's let people down is mainly from guys who lack the talent, the bank account or the societal status to ever have to worry about turning down super models or porn stars–and/or by women who haven't had new knockers, can't afford a weekly waxing or manicure and don't have time to spend four hours a day at the gym.
Most of us can't wrap our minds around the lifestyle many of these "elite" people live.
To superimpose "normal" values and expectations on people who can trek off to St. Kitts if they get a hangnail is comical but a perfect reflection of American society.
We love the "drama" when the beautiful people fail. Then we wait for the interview on Oprah or the press conference where the penitent sap cries for forgiveness and the humiliated wife stands by in her designer outfit wearing a hamburger-sized diamond on her hand.
It's easier than having to contact our congress people and demanding they support a public option.
Gairzo
says:
December 10th, 2009 at 5:51 am
I don't think I said everyone would do it if they had a chance.
In my experience, most women would not. Most men never get the chance. That was the point.
All the yakkin' about Tiger being a fraud and how he's let people down is mainly from guys who lack the talent, the bank account or the societal status to ever have to worry about turning down super models or porn stars–and/or by women who haven't had new knockers, can't afford a weekly waxing or manicure and don't have time to spend four hours a day at the gym.
Most of us can't wrap our minds around the lifestyle many of these "elite" people live.
To superimpose "normal" values and expectations on people who can trek off to St. Kitts if they get a hangnail is comical but a perfect reflection of American society.
We love the "drama" when the beautiful people fail. Then we wait for the interview on Oprah or the press conference where the penitent sap cries for forgiveness and the humiliated wife stands by in her designer outfit wearing a hamburger-sized diamond on her hand.
It's easier than having to contact our congress people and demandi they support a public option.
ernessa
says:
December 10th, 2009 at 9:02 am
I find this story deeply disappointing rather than upsetting. As the daughter of a cheater, i can tell you right now that it is no laughing matter and that it destroys families and the self-esteem of your children. So though I agree that Tiger need not be a role model for the world, he is a role model to his children and he should be ashamed that they'll have to grow up with this. For them it's not funny.
And, yes, right now I would put average non-cheating men above Tiger. I think they would be right to feel superior as this is a major moral failing.
And Nate, though I agree that athlete doesn't equal hero, I'm no longer a fan. I don't expect the people I root for to be perfect, but I do want them to be decent people and serial cheating on the mother of your two children isn't decent.
Nate Barlow
says:
December 10th, 2009 at 5:20 pm
I agree with you. It is disappointing to find out someone isn't who they appear to be. But shocking that someone who has everything can be so cavalier about his relationships? Not at all. Sadly, it seems to go with the territory. When one has everything–and can have everything–it unfortunately seems to be the case that said person feels entitlement and does whatever they want.
And you're right, he absolutely is a role model for his family, but should not be for anybody else.
Tiger does deserve to lose fans for his actions. The degree is up to each person. Some people probably won't care–what does that say about them? Some will dislike him as a person and refuse to buy his memorabilia anymore, but still root for him as a golf course, divorcing Tiger the person from Tiger the golfer. It happens all the time with the public's perceptions of movie stars and musicians; it'll happen here, too. And then there will be those who refuse to root for him in any manner. Fandom is different than herodom. Athletes are not heros, but they do have fans and deserve to lose those fans based on their actions.
Gairzo
says:
December 10th, 2009 at 11:17 pm
I see your points. It isn't funny, but if I don't laugh about this stuff, I'd cry endlessly. I raised three boys and they saw me do some dumb, inconsiderate, selfish stuff. But they ate, had clothes, homework help, and a ball coach their whole lives.
Part of being a role model is teaching your children how to accept responsibility for your behavior. Life will reveal character through the lens of adversity. How parents deal with adversity and look to themselves as the cause of their problems shows in how their children behave.
Tiger isn't letting his kids down by being a manslut; that's built in his DNA–when you add worldwide adulation and a billion dollars, it's even tougher to remain faithful.
What Tiger has revealed about himself is he is a coward. If he had called a presser and made a statement about his behavior being unacceptable and selfish, publicly apologized to his family, and apologized to his legion of fans, it would be over.
All his kids and fans see is someone who hides, who buys people off so they won't tell the truth; more interested in rehabbing his image instead looking inside and dealng with himself.
So sad.