NFL Week 7 Picks and Analysis
Saturday, October 24, 2009 17:23
NEW NOMINEES FOR THE FIRST GOLDEN TAMPON AWARD – “THE TAMPY”
Remember, the Tampy is the DIS monthly award to honor the NFL player(s) coach, or employee who displays the most “vaginical tendencies” on or off the field. For those of you who need a translation–a Tampy nomination goes to the individual(s) who acts like the week’s biggest punani.
We welcome our readers to suggest their nominees for October’s Golden Tampon Award. You, too, can determine who gets the honor of receiving the first “Tampy.”
We will pick one nominee per week and then choose a loser every month.
So far October has given us the following nominees:
Ray Lewis for reminding us–in a very weepy way–Tom Brady was a man.
Tom Brady, for begging the ref for a flag after a Ravens’ lineman barely grazed his leg.
Dre Bly for his ballerina show-off move–inspired by Deion Sanders–after intercepting a pass. His team was losing by 25 points and Bly thought nobody could catch him. Atlanta’s Roddy White, a 265-pound tight end did just that, then stripped the ball and recovered the fumble. A double douche bag whammy as my esteemed editor described it.
This week’s nominees…
The Tennessee Kittens, er, I mean Titans.
Jeff Fisher has done some wonderful coaching in the Volunteer State, but if I owned the Titans, I would have to think that maybe Fisher’s message has grown old or that nobody is listening. Plain and simple, the Titans quit against the Patriots. 59-0? Let me spell that out so the number permeates our skulls: FIFTY F%&KING NINE TO ZERO.
I can hear the ghostly voice of John Facenda…
And there, like dying grass awaiting its burial under blackened snow, the frozen Tampons of Tennessee laid down, lifeless, gutless, awaiting the numbness of a dark New England night…
(Or something like that.)
Mike Tomlin receives his first Tampy nom. Four hours after Sunday’s victory against the Browns, the Steelers’ excellent kicker, Jeff Reed, butted in when cops were ticketing teammate Matt Spaeth for public urination. For his trouble, Reed received several citations.
The usually straightforward and eloquent Tomlin tripped over his words this week explaining the difference between last year’s suspension of Santonio Holmes (after cops stopped him and found blunts in his Escalade’s ashtray) and Jeff Reed’s apparent non-suspension.
If Tomlin had offered that the difference was drug use and that Holmes didn’t deny he had marijuana in his car–as opposed to Reed, who is denying the charges and who believes he was trying to help out a teammate–we might have given Coach the benefit of the doubt.
If Tomlin had said, “Look, we can replace Holmes with a decent receiver, but even the Rockettes can’t kick in Heinz Field, only Jeff Reed can,” we would have praised him for his honesty.
Instead, Tomlin waxed unpoetically about the timing of each incident and how Holmes’s infraction had greater potential for distraction because he was busted on Friday and Reed was collared on Monday.
Huh?!
At best the Steelers’ head honcho was tiptoeing through the tulips of hypocrisy. Tomlin’s offense might not be truly vagitimate, but it is well below the panty line.
SPEAKING OF LINES
Although a 6-8 week puts me two games under .500 for the year, I am golden on my specialty picks. Cincy was mauled by Houston; the Rams covered and lost on a last minute field goal; and the Monday Nighter was close until a late Bronco surge.
This week there are only six games worth watching. Five of the remaining seven are tough to pick.
THE UPSET OF THE WEEK
Imagine having Mike Singletary glaring at you all week with those Manson eyes. I can just about guarantee you that the Niners play a crisp game at Houston just to get Coach off their back.
THE LOCK OF THE WEEK
The Eagles were shellacked by Oakland. Shame should make them angry and hungry. Given the soap opera in Washington featuring Dan Snyder and Jim Zorn, the Eagles might win by 30. Expect Zorn to be looking for work as his team heads into its bye week.
THE SUCKERS BET OF THE WEEK
Adrian Petersen brings Brett Favre and the Vikings into Heinz Field. I can picture a blowout scenario from either team–or a contest decided by a safety in overtime. Should be a great game, but not a good one to bet on.
As always, the weekly lines I use are found here: www.footballlocks.com/nfl_lines.shtml
My picks are in bold italics below:
NFL Lines For Week 7 – NFL Football Line Week Seven
NFL Line 10/25 – 10/26, 2009
| Date & Time | Favorite | Line | Underdog | Total |
| 10/25 1:00 ET | San Diego | -5 | At Kansas City | 44 |
| 10/25 1:00 ET | Indianapolis | -13.5 | At St. Louis | 45.5 |
| 10/25 4:15 ET | At Cincinnati | -1.5 | Chicago | 42.5 |
| 10/25 1:00 ET | Green Bay | -8.5 | At Cleveland | 41.5 |
| 10/25 1:00 ET | At Pittsburgh | -5.5 | Minnesota | 45 |
| 10/25 1:00 ET | New England | -15 | Tampa Bay (in London) | 45 |
| 10/25 1:00 ET | At Houston | -3 | San Francisco | 44 |
| 10/25 4:05 ET | NY Jets | -6 | At Oakland | 34.5 |
| 10/25 4:05 ET | At Carolina | -7 | Buffalo | 36.5 |
| 10/25 4:15 ET | New Orleans | -6.5 | At Miami | 47 |
| 10/25 4:15 ET | At Dallas | -4 | Atlanta | 47.5 |
| 10/25 8:20 ET | At NY Giants | -7 | Arizona | 46.5 |
Monday Night Football Line
| 10/26 8:35 ET | Philadelphia | -7 | At Washington | 37.5 |
Bye Weeks: Baltimore, Denver, Detroit, Jacksonville, Seattle, Tennessee
4 Responses to “NFL Week 7 Picks and Analysis”
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Nate Barlow
says:
October 25th, 2009 at 12:31 am
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
I was hoping the entire Tennessee Titans team would received your nod for this week's Tampy nomination. There's being beat, and then there's quitting. This wasn't some Football Bowl Subdivision team trouncing a Football Championship Subdivision team. This is the National Football League, and, in the NFL, 59-0 is quitting on your coach.
I thought Dre Bly had this thing locked up for the month, but the Titans' shameful performance is going to give him a run for his money. Ouch.
On other matters, I would not the Vikings – Steelers game with a hundred-foot poll. You don't see too many games where a blow out in either direction or an overtime nail-biter all look like viable possibilities.
Gairzo
says:
October 25th, 2009 at 1:20 am
Yeah, the Vikings have a defensive wall we haven't seen in years. Is the Steelers O-line improvement for real?
Then you got AP who can juke you out of your chest hair but would much prefer to run you over.
The quarterback who makes the big mistake will tell the tale. We can't forget New England's statement made in October but made for January. "We can throw it all over the field in a foot of snow."
I'm hoping the AFC Championship comes down to NE vs Pittsburgh, but Indy might be better than both.
Nate Barlow
says:
October 25th, 2009 at 2:07 am
Absolutely agree about the quarterback who makes the mistake. Is there any player in the NFL today who falls into the "you can't stop him, you only can hope to contain him" category more than AP? The key to stopping the Vikings is getting to Favre. But that Vikes D-line vs Steelers O-line battle will be interesting to watch.
The fact that New England did that to the Titans in the snow makes it all the more embarrassing. Seriously, how do you pull off that offensive display in inclement weather, even if you're a bad weather team, if the defense makes even an ounce of effort?
Love to see NE-Pitt in the Championship game!
Gairzo
says:
October 25th, 2009 at 6:11 am
We NE bashers will never let anyone forget Belidick's cheating, but Brady….
When can you remember him making a mental error?
I've seen him flustered and frustrated and fumble and make physical errors like anyone else…But I can't recall him throwing to the wrong side of a rout, throwing late over the middle. There was a half a foot of ice and snow on that turf–and wind–and he was hitting guys in stride 35 yards down field.
I guess you can say the same thing about Manning, but Brady does it in real football weather–consistently.
One thing to note….There seems to be a mini-controversy in Pittsburgh that the Steeler "D" isn't gang tackling like they were last year. Of course the flip side is they're bringing guys down with better individual technique. I've got a strange inkling that LeBeau is fudging on stats to get his guys to gang slam AP.
Keep that in mind watching the game.