The Hate List
Sunday, December 21, 2008 13:28
DISCLAIMER Born and raised in a small Pittsburgh suburb where the smell of slag meant people were working hard and proud of it. I wear Pirate gear as proudly as Steeler and Penguin stuff.
Last week, I‘m in a sports bar the Flyers are losing a hockey game, the Steelers rallying against the Cowboys and the Yankees paying another mediocre player 80 million bucks. Mmm…Flyer, Cowboys, Yankees, I hate them all. Being a nostalgic guy, I started reviewing my personal sports hate list and it’s muti-decade evolution.
It dawned on me; I can’t be the only guy in America who maintains and regularly updates a such a list? Or can I?
Not a difficult task. Just ask yourself ‘Who do I Hate?’. There is no wrong answer, but like any legitimate endeavor—there are rules…
1.) The Hater must have a logical basis for his or her hate.
For example, you can’t hate the Denver Bronco’s just for wearing hideous uniforms but you can hate them if you once lived there and endured the very overrated “Orange Crush” defense.—they didn’t appreciate me calling them the Orange Slush—and because their hideous uniforms remind you of Mr. Ed on steroids.
2.) The Hater must prove undying loyalty and love for one particular team or city.
For example, if a hater hails from Boston and calls himself a Patsy fan, he must defend Bellidick and the Cheaters vociferously. Patriot haters know New England’s success of the last decade will forever be tainted and their rise on the Universal Hate Barometer—located atop a rowhouse in Philadelphia, where else?—eclipses that of the “Raidas” during the ‘70’s and the Cryboys for, oh, the last 40 years. The Cowboys, in fact, are the only team never to fall on the UHB. Probably a safe bet that status will never change given the UHB’s home
3.) The Hater cannot be a Yankees or Notre Dame fan.
If you are so much of a loser to root for teams with built in advantages for winning you cannot legitimately hate those of us who root for teams that struggle for years or decades in between seasons of success.
4.) The Hater cannot love a natural or otherwise determined rival of her beloved team.
There is no fence sitting in Hateball. If you love the Clippers, you cannot have a soft spot in your heart for the Lakers. If you love the Flyers you cannot think the Penguin’s logo is cute because it reminds you of Tennessee Tuxedo.
So, who do you hate?
Next week… the beginning of my Hate List.
natebarlow
says:
December 21st, 2008 at 8:53 am
I'm from Connecticut and a fan of the Patriots… It's so disappointing to me that all three championships will forever be tainted in other people's eyes. What disgusts me is those who fault and blame everyone in the organization and not just Belichick. Say what you want about him, but give the players credit.
That having been said, I believe the only difference between Belichick and any other NFL coach is that Belichick got caught. Everyone is looking for an advantage, legal or not (for example, the Colts and pumping in crowd noise; what BS that one one of their top execs was on the disciplinary committee that "exonerated" them… whatever).
I'm also a (long-suffering, but no longer) Red Sox fan. There is nothing I hate more than the Yankees.
Nik
says:
December 30th, 2008 at 7:37 am
I used to work in Pitt for a few years with a guy who went to Fox Chapel. Great town as it grows on you! Love the Dingbats! Enjoy your content and blog. Will add you to my roll. How about Ok st vs Oregon tonight??
Gairzo
says:
January 1st, 2009 at 7:49 am
Sorry Nik didn’t check the site until New Years Day.
I’ll take a flyer on the Ducks. Reasons? Any football team with the ‘Nads to call themselves Ducks deserves serious love.
And the lovable ugliness of their uniforms earns them more pity.
Seriously, who was in on that meeting? Coco Chanel on acid?…”Yes, dahling, not a forest green, not a Kelly green…Perhaps the green one finds on a bib just after an infant pukes up the creamed spinach…Also, put little white duckies on the shoulders in case the players forget their nick name…Let’s top off the visual torture with sunflower yellow numbers in kind of Verdana font.
Yo, CC, pass some of that blotter over here.
BTW, thanks for the nice words. We’re trying to put sports in a unique light.Yo, CC, pass some of that blotter over here.BTW, thanks for the nice words. We’re trying to put sports in a unique light.
Gairzo
says:
January 1st, 2009 at 8:43 am
Well Nate, I'll agree lots of athletes look for an edge. I just can't accept Belleidick was the unfortunate one to get caught. I don't believe Lombardi, Landry, Noll, Shula would go that route. Also, knowing what defenses your opponent is running goes well beyond "edge looking" and becomes plain cheating.
The Steeler players, after losing two AFC title games to the Pats, gave New England great respect. Many also marveled at how "it was like they knew what we were doing." Some Steelers–Hines Ward, Bettis among them–also said they could hear the NE defense calling the Pittsburgh plays pre-snap.
The NFL fines players for wearing a private tribute on their helmets, suspends them for inadvertent use of mild diuretics, and penalizes coaches for railing against utterly bad officiating. The league's rationale for such punishments always includes the phrase "integrity of the game."
The NFL–with Dan Rooney at the forefront–covered the truth up when it came to an issue in direct conflict with the game's integrity.
natebarlow
says:
January 2nd, 2009 at 11:47 am
I'm not trying to justify Belichick's actions. I'd like to believe that the coaches you mentioned would not go that route (well, I would believe it of Shula–I've never really thought highly of him, and so often the loudest objectors are themselves guilty), but I wouldn't put anything past anybody.
While I don't think every NFL coach has done something like Belichick with the videotaping, I absolutely believe it's complete naivete (or self-righteous indignation masking uneasiness at one's own team's possible guilt) for anyone to imply that he is the only coach to have done so. In that sense, Belichick is the unfortunate one to have been caught. It's easy to vilify the one discovered person, but we should all hope that any such guilty party will be exposed. Not wishing so is hypocrisy, but many such detractors refuse to even consider the option.
An interesting question that will never be answered is what was contained in the notes Belichick turned over to Goodell and were subsequently destroyed. Was there truly nothing of import? Or is Goodell lying? If so, why? Personally, if the latter, I think Belichick turned over not only his own notes but evidence he may have collected of other teams spying on the Patriots. It would be the ultimate trump card–take me down, but in doing so face a scandal that threatens to devastate the integrity of the entire league. It would explain why Goodell would choose to lie (I can think of no other good reason), but what then does that say about the NFL's so-called integrity? About as much as letting Pacman Jones back in to the league for the umpteenth time.
What's your take on the Colts and pumping in crowd noise? The accusations have occurred for other games (including one with the Steelers) beyond the one for which the lame CBS television feed excuse was attributed as the cause. If the NFL really cared about integrity, Bill Polian should have publicly stepped aside during the league's deliberation.
Gairzo
says:
January 3rd, 2009 at 7:37 am
Come to think of it, that prick Shula would have maimed his mother to win a Super Bowl.
Thank you for reminding me Shula enjoys an exclusive wing in my Hall of Hate. Before the ’79 playoff game he was asked for a reaction to Noll winning three, going for four Super Bowls. “We’re real proud of Chuck.” What condescending bullshit. It took Noll 13 years to win twice as many Super Bowls as Shula did in 30 seasons. We’re real proud of ya Donny.
Don’t even get me started about the ’72 Dolphin’s annual tradition of popping champagne after the last undefeated team falls. Makes me sick. Although I couldn’t bring myself to root for the Pats last year, I wouldn’t have minded shutting the Fish up for good.
***I don’t think you can ascribe Belichick’s cheating on any other coach without solid proof. Although, I wouldn’t be shocked to find out there were others, do you really believe—knowing his record will forever be tainted—Billy Boy wouldn’t have gone publiic if he had the goods on any other coach?
On the other hand, you raise an intriguing question: What did Roger destroy? If it were me and I knew Belichick cheated, beating my team en route to a Super Bowl, I would have made an “asterisk” my life’s work.
Why was Rooney so non-chalant about it? Maybe you’re right…
***You are definitely right about Pac-Man and his bretheren in pro sports. These guys are given every advantage beginning in Pee-Wee league because they are athletically gifted. Many receive special treatment from high school on. We’re surprised when they act like spoiled punks and behave criminally?
***On the Colts pumping up the volume. Again, a cover-up to protect the illusion of integrity. Polian should have been punished. However, I just don’t think it rises near the level of Belichick’s actions.
If the NFL had any integrity they would help universities pay the athletes they exploit. The league would have a “one and you’re done” policy regarding substance abuse and arrest. Any domestic violence—take a hike. Any incident with a gun, see ya.
Seriously if you work in any business and you get arrested for assaulting strippers, you are summarily fired, certainly after you blow your second chance.
God, I love sports.
Okay fine, I admit tit, my indignation stems from jealousy. It’s not too obvious is it? I mean, I dream of shooting myself in the leg and doing that perp walk. I’ve never been that cool. Hard to believe, isn’t it?
I want to throw money at strippers and know that I am above the law. I harbor desires to conquer women then beg for my wife’s forgiveness on CNN.. I want to father multiple children with several girlfriends and buy houses for all of them. (Especially in this market.) I want to get away with murder, dammit!
When I retire, I want to cry because, “this is the hardest thing I ever had to do…sniff, sniff…”…You know, screw the 5 million people facing foreclosure, and deathly sick children, or skilled laborers who lose their pensions, or old people who can’t afford medicine.
I have to retire from a child’s game, then settle for a mid-six figure salary bloviating on television.
Now, that’s suffering.
Gairzo
says:
January 3rd, 2009 at 8:31 am
Ernessa, I stand corrected! Besides, I said team colors couldn't be the only reason. True hate has to stem from something deeper than a color scheme. Kobe definitely qualifies.
Also, there are hardly any Lakes in L.A.. It'd be like the "New Orleans Desert Dogs"…
If you hate the Lakers your integrity, and taste, is beyond reproach…Seriously, purple and gold…
St. Louis…one of the greatest sports cities in America. I believe the city's university has one of the coolest nicknames ever conceived–"Billikens".
Of course, I had to look it up and found the charm doll bearing the name is a uniquely American incarnation–kind of like Buddha meets a Troll Doll. I love it!
Nicknames…I always wondered why St. Louis retained the "Rams". Why not, given Saint Louis' most prominent structure change the name to the "Archers"?
And if you are in Miami–with the abundance of marine life to choose from–why "Dolphins" Did you ever take a close gander at their logo? A bottle-nosed Dolphin wearing a helmet. Whomever made that decision was getting a tad too much sun. Why not the Miami "'Cudas"? Dolphins can't play football. Barracudas can't either, but they can eat you. They evoke fear. The only thing a Dolphin can do is drive you crazy with that incessant screeching.
Speaking of insulting nicknames. How do the "Redskins" continue to exist? Really…Would it be a stretch to compare that ethnic/racial insult to say the "Denver Dagos"? How'bout "The Boston Black Faces"? "The Walla Wall White Trash"?
How do Native Americans tolerate such blatant Racism?
ernessa
says:
January 3rd, 2009 at 12:21 pm
Gary, I got a little confused about the hate rules, so hopefully I'm not violating them, but I hate The Lakers. Always have, always will. They're too easy to root for and their colors suck. Plus, I hate teams built around one over-sized personality. I grew up in St. Louis with The Cardinals when Ozzie Smith was still doing back flips, and I see no reason to like or support a team with an ungracious front man, I don't care how good he is. BTW, I think hating a team b/c they have icky uniforms is completely acceptable and logical. I'm curious as to why you think it's not.
natebarlow
says:
January 4th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
I agree, Shula is the most overrated and obnoxious coach in NFL history. Even being a Patriots fan, what upset me most about the Pats losing last year was losing the opportunity to shut up the '72 Dolphins and all Fish fans forever.
Absolutely, I cannot charge Belichick's cheating to any other SPECIFIC coach without proof. But I can suspect and hypothesize that such actions are commonplace throughout the league. Kind of like the steroid issue.
These athletes need to be taught that playing professionally for millions of dollars is a privilege, not a right.